The world has shifted beneath our feet and our understanding of self care must shift along with it. Self care can no longer exist in a vacuum, separate from real life. It has to become a mindset that’s integrated into every facet of our lives – We must engage in radical self care.

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The truth is, I’m not worn out by the fear of contracting COVID-19, or the fear for my loved ones safety. I’m worn out by the relentless shifts and necessary adjustments that have occurred without my consent. I’m worn out because the self care systems that used to work have gone unchecked, despite the shifts that have happened around me.

Predictability has been cast aside and instead it feels like I’m forever waking on marbles, readjusting and re-calibrating my balance and position just to remain upright. To do this on a short term basis is to be expected from time to time. The beginning of a new job, the start of a school year, the initial shock of losing a loved one. We know this is the way of big changes in life.

COVID-19 has turned life into a constant string of big changes, and instead of sprinkling those big changes throughout a relatively stable life, it has become our way of life. Our self care systems before COVID-19 were designed for some level of stability and routine. So in this sort of continuously stressful and unpredictable situation, they’re no longer effective, at least mine aren’t.

A radical self care system is in order.

Right now, it feels like nothing is predictable. Nothing is certain. Everything is tenuous. In truth it always has been. We’d created very convincing facades that made us believe we were masters of our world – in control of more than we really were. But that illusion has been replaced with uncertainty and unpredictability.

It can feel like we can’t even trust the ground we’re standing on, and this new level of awareness has made us reevaluate any number of things: from whether it’s worth risking a trip to the grocery store, to our spirituality.

The sea legs we’ve been asked to acquire are nothing short of unreasonable. But just because something is unreasonable doesn’t mean it’s impossible or dismiss-able.

What we’re asked to do as parents over the span of our children’s lives is, by all accounts, unreasonable. To dedicate our love and our lives to one spouse for our entire life is also, on some level, unreasonable. Because we cannot predict what will arise over that span of time. We cannot predict what traumas might befall us or how they they may impact us. All we can really do is work with what we have at the time, and do our best.

Right now “our best” probably looks really different than “our best” seven months ago. The onset of fatigue was gradual so we were unaware of our need to adjust our expectations. Now, seven months in, we’re still finding ways we think we “should” be living up to a former pre-COVID version of what “our best” was. But like with everything subjective (which by the way is most things) “best” exists on a sliding scale that we must be willing to adjust. This is what radical self care looks like.

This ride has been exhausting and stressful, overwhelming and full of fear. Even with its moments of gratitude, and its promises of personal growth, it goes without saying that this global pandemic has really really sucked a lot of the time . And that’s okay. Life looks different right now, and it will likely shift permanently even after a vaccine has been discovered.

Radical self care will server all of us going forward. It isn’t about spa days or time away from our kids. It’s about giving ourselves permission to define a new “best” – to account for shifts we experience in life, but especially right now, and to learn to be flexible with our expectations of who we are and who we think we’re ‘supposed’ to be.

Be well my friends, and trust that you’re really doing the best you can… and that it’s enough. I’m not just saying this to make you feel better. I’m saying this because it’s true, and you likely need the reminder just as much as I do.

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